Herald and Journal, November 2, 1998

My nemesis ­ TV roulette


Things are finally getting back to normal at the Fink household. At least as normal as they ever get.

We have a new TV for Tom in the living room. This replaces the one that was knocked out by lightning in August. We got a really good deal on this television. I know that because the salesman told me so. It also came with a free dish. Not a popcorn dish, but one for the Dish Network.

This means that we have access to a multitude of new channels. More channels, more choices.

We did splurge a little and get a second hook-up for the kitchen TV so we could watch two different shows on dish at the same time.

I must confess I am the one who wanted to have access to the Dish Network. The free dish was just an excuse. I have been wanting to watch Country Music videos. When I come in from the barn to start supper, I turn the channel to CMT to watch videos while I work.

Of course, Tom and Jesy show up for supper and that complicates things. Jesy does not like my choice of music.

"Can we please watch something else, Mom?" is her usual plaintive wail.

When she is in control of the TV I find her watching some show with models on it. I swear those scrawny women could practically evaporate before your eyes. Tom, of course, has the fastest remote finger in the West. I don't just say this because he is constantly switching channels. If he finds a western, the TV will usually remain on that channel, at least until a commercial appears.

The beauty of having the Dish Network available on two TV sets is that eventually he will retire to the living room to get comfortable, and I will switch back to videos.

If I don't want to watch TV, I sit in the living room with Tom. Trying to watch the TV spin through the multitude of channel choices makes my eyes practically spin in my head.

Here is a little poem I wrote after we bought our first remote-equipped television a few years ago. It is even more true today.

TV Roulette

Sit here beside me,Darling.

On you I truly dote,

but I'm going to break your fingers

if you touch that darned remote.

When we bought the new TV set,

we thought it would be so neat

to change the TV channel

without getting to our feet.

Now you skip around the stations

'til I'm feeling very cross.

First, I'm watching "Doogie Houser"

suddenly it's "Who's the Boss?"

I know you can't resist the urge

to play TV Roulette.

So, you'll find me in the kitchen

watching on the other set.

Don't think that I am just a grouch.

I won't sit in here and mope.

The possibility of me watching TV with you?

Well frankly, it's remote!

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