Herald and Journal
Herald & Journal, January 4, 1999

My resolution: no resolutions


Well, here it is, the final year of the 1900s.

Also, it's time for New Year's resolutions. Do you make any? Are you successful at these promises to better yourself, or is it a waste of time?

I quit making New Year's resolutions years ago under the pretense, I guess, of not being able to teach an old dog new tricks.

Time was when I'd make the same resolution every year. Back when I was smoking cigarettes, I'd resolve to quit smoking. It didn't work. I did quit smoking two years ago without the benefit of a New Year's resolution. I just quit cold turkey on my own. I'm still smokeless.

What bad habits do I still have that I need to resolve to change? I know of one bad habit my wife wishes I'd get rid of . . . . channel surfing the TV. I'm really bad (or good) at this. For those who don't know, a channel surfer equipped with a remote can drive the non-surfer nuts.

I usually start at the highest channel ­ in my case channel 53. I'll watch it a few seconds than methodically click to the next channel . . . 52, 51, 50, etc. I don't leave it there for more than 15 seconds. Eventually, I wind up on channel 2. If my wife's not watching, I might go through the channels again. I rarely find something to watch the first time through.

When the baseball playoffs were on, we might be watching another channel. But, during the two minutes of periodic commercials, I'd switch to the game. I still do that during the football season.

We have cable; we'll never have a satellite with all their channels. My wife won't have it. I'd be surfing all the time.

No, I don't think I can resolve to quit channel surfing. I could cut down or my wife might take my remote.

I just have to say something about the elections in my home state of Minnesota. At first, I thought everybody had overdosed on lutefisk. But, I think the new governor and former pro-wrestler, Jesse Ventura, might do alright. It's going to be a very interesting four years. Good luck, Jesse.

Now what's this I hear? Hulk Hogan is going to run for president?

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and then blow your nose.

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