Herald and Journal
Herald & Journal, March 8, 1999

Rolling down the other side yet?


There comes the time when you find you're over the hill.

In other words, you're getting old. As a public service, here's a list of 10 ways to tell you're over the hill.

1. Everything works and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

2. You need your glasses to find your glasses.

3. Your back goes out more than you do.

4. Your little black book only has names ending in M.D.

5. You have too much room in your house, but not in your medicine chest.

6. Your children begin to look middle aged.

7. Policemen look too young to be policemen. This also is the case with doctors and ministers.

8. Lawrence Welk's music begins to sound good.

9. The little gray-haired person you helped across the street is your spouse.

10. You can't take yes for an answer.

I suppose we could come up with other signals to indicate we're over the hill.

One of my favorites is "when your get-up-and-go got-up-and-went." Another is "when the first thing you read in a newspaper is the obituaries."

I used to laugh at my parents when they did that, but I find myself doing it now.

Here's an aggravation. When you're weak-eyed and have to visit an eye doctor, why do they dilate your eyes so you can't read, then place you in a waiting room for a half hour with blurry print magazines?

Before we know it, major league baseball will be here. As all fans know, baseball players like to spit. Consider this: Yankee Stadium is 70 years old. How deep would the spit be if none had ever evaporated or been absorbed in the soil? Think about it. Pretty deep, I bet.

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