Herald and Journal, January 18, 1999

Don't step on my steel-toed shoes


I have noticed that it's even less fun getting up and going out to the barn in the morning, knowing that I have to face the cold and snow. I may be getting used to it now, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Of course, there is always something to be thankful for. In my case, I'm thankful that the swelling in my foot went down just in time for me to wear my winter boots. Oh sure, I could have dragged out some old Sorels and headed out on the frozen tundra, but I prefer something a little more stylish than that when I venture out into society.

My footwear for the barn is another matter. I usually just wear tennis shoes. The little incident that caused the swollen foot also prompted a change in my footwear at milking time.

It has been about a month now since Number 48 stomped on my left foot. I was crouched down next to her wiping her udder off for milking. She got startled and jumped. She landed smack dab on my left foot and stayed there. I got up and slapped her on the rump a few times, trying to push her away from me.

She finally got off my foot and I hobbled into the walkway yelling something about my poor foot. I was more than a little upset. I might even have said a bad word or two.

I didn't take my shoe off to check it out. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get the shoe back on. Later, when I took my tennis shoe off in the basement, I saw that the top of my foot, my little toe, and the one next to it were all purple.

My shoe felt tight when I went to work that day, but not too bad. My toes swelled as the day went on. I began to feel like there were a couple of extra toes stuffed into my shoe.

The next day I had a vacation day planned for Christmas shopping. Should I be sensible and postpone the shopping trip for another time? Of course not. After all, I'm a trooper, aren't I? There were stores to be shopped and presents to be bought.

I spent the day shopping in my daughter's tennis shoes. Her feet are a little bigger than mine and she has tennis shoes that are really wide in the toe area. Never mind that they were lime green. We got our shopping done, and my feet really didn't bother me that much. Until the next day when I got ready to go to work.

My toes were really swollen now and very painful. I really think that my little toe was broken. I managed to squeeze my left foot into what is usually my most comfortable pair of slip-on shoes. By the time I got to work I had to pry the shoe off my foot. I had carried along reinforcements though, a big bottle of Advil and a slipper.

This whole episode reminded me of something I wrote a few years ago for the K102 Morning Show. They used to have people call in on Mondays with the "Monday Morning Blues.". This is something I called in and recited on the air:

Woke up this mornin', found my way to the barn.

Started milkin' those bossys, wasn't doin, no harm.

I was kind, I was gentle, wasn't playin' no tricks.

When this crazy old bossy, Man, she started to kick.

She kicked me on my left leg, she kicked me on my right.

I knew I had to milk her, I was in for a fight.

Tried to hold the machine on, so she stomped on my shoe.

My toes turned into liquid, my foot's all black and blue.

That's the end of my story, that's the way that it goes.

From now on, no more Reeboks, I'll wear boots with steel toes.

This was written about my "favorite cow" Number 28 whom I wrote about back in April. By the way, she has been very docile since I wrote about her. I just have to watch out for Number 48. And, yes, no more Reeboks. I am wearing work boots to the barn now.

Back to those television ads

I can only claim that I was temporarily blinded by pain when I lamented about some of my favorite songs being used in television ads. (Jan. 4 issue)

I have a correction to make about that column. The Rolling Stones, "You Can't Always Get What You Want" was used by Motorola, not Toyota. I had made a list and I got ahead of myself. Toyota was actually using "You're The Best" by Tina Turner. Right on, Tina.

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