Herald Journal Columns
May 27, 2002

Very punny ­ light-hearted humor for today


I needed to share my absolute favorite email jokes. Please forgive me for my goofy sense of humor

Sweet potato Yam

"Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes only for each other. They got married and had a little sweet potato, whom they called 'Yam.'

"They wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

"They warned her about going out and getting half-baked. They didn't want her getting mashed and receiving a bad name for herself, like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

"Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand, she wouldn't stay home and become a couch potato, either.

"She would get plenty of exercise and lift weights, so as not to be skinny like her shoestring cousins.

"When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the greasy guys from France, and when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

"Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow, and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

"Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to the university, so that when she graduated she'd really be in the chips.

"But in spite of all they did for her, one day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

"Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just a 'Common Tater.'

Goodbye Doughboy

It is with the saddest heart I pass on the following: The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, saying Doughboy never knew how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; and had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

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