PC freaks are scarier than Halloween

October 29, 2007

by Ivan Raconteur

I am going to miss Halloween.

Sure, my calendar still says October 31 is Halloween, but it is just a matter of time before the politically correct fanatics that seem to be running things find a way to eliminate yet another tradition.

Don’t get me wrong – it is not that I look forward to hordes of grubby little urchins coming to my door to beg for candy.

What I do resent is having a few malcontent extremists dictating how the rest of us can spend our time.

More and more organizations are climbing on the idiotic PC bandwagon and banning holidays in schools or watering down traditions until they are no fun for anyone.

I love the autumn, but that doesn’t mean I am ready to trade in Halloween parties for “autumn festivals” or “harvest celebrations.”

First it was Christmas, now it is Halloween. What’s next? Some freak with a thing about rabbits will want to ban the stinking Easter bunny.

What really provokes me is that people come in and say we can’t do or say anything that might possibly somehow offend someone somewhere.

They demand that we ban anything they deem objectionable from all public places.

Then they turn around and demand that we accommodate their beliefs and traditions.

Schools and workplaces must now allow time out for zealots to practice whatever bizarre practices they choose to practice.

These institutions must also provide a special dedicated place for wild-eyed fanatics to conduct their activities, preferably one with a clear view of Mecca.

But, God help us if we want to practice or celebrate our own traditions.

Actually, God won’t be able to help us, because he or she won’t be allowed on the premises on account of being too controversial.

When I was a lad, all we had to worry about at Halloween was finding the house that was handing out the best treats.

We avoided the joints that would try to pull a fast one and throw something healthy like an apple into our bags.

Proper nutrition wasn’t what the day was about.

I looked forward to dressing up and seeing what costumes other people would come up with.

As far as I can tell, Halloween was not nearly as traumatic as opponents would have us believe.

I can’t think of anyone in my class who ended up becoming a satanist after wearing a devil costume.

As far as I know, none of the girls became Wiccans as the result of dressing up as witches.

There has not been a single documented case of a kid turning to a life of piracy after wearing an eye patch and carrying a parrot on his shoulder.

None of my friends ended up in therapy because they celebrated Halloween. The thing is, it’s not the kids who are confused about the symbolism behind the costumes, it is the adults.

Kids aren’t looking for hidden meanings, they are just having fun.

I am sure if one really tried, one could find something offensive about any Halloween costume.

Princess costumes may be offensive to members of the royal family.

Skeleton costumes may be viewed as insensitive by those suffering from eating disorders.

Mummy costumes may be considered inappropriate by those of Egyptian descent.

It goes on and on. If you look hard enough, you can find something offensive in anything.

Over the years, some of the most memorable parties I have attended have been Halloween parties.

Even while I was in college and money was scarce, I was amazed at the creative costumes that people made for themselves.

The costumes gave people a chance to take on a different character for a few hours and have some fun.

Masquerade parties have been around for centuries, but it has only been recently that they have been considered taboo.

Halloween was, and should remain a day to have fun. With all that is going on in the world today, a few kids in goofy costumes should be pretty low on our list of things to worry about.

Most people don’t know or care about the origins of the day. They just see it as an excuse to celebrate the season and have some fun, and we could all use more fun.

Anyone who needs an issue to get whipped up about, or who wants to see something really scary can just switch on the evening news.