A woman’s touch
Dec. 7, 2015
by Ivan Raconteur

Since I announced my intention to leave the old bachelor pad and move to a new residence, a few people have mentioned the place will need “a woman’s touch.”

It may be a coincidence, but all the people making this comment happened to be women.

I didn’t think much about it the first time, but after a couple more people made the same comment, it made me curious.

What does it mean when people say a place needs a woman’s touch?

I wasn’t sure if it was a criticism of my decor, or my housekeeping, or what it might mean.

Perhaps I over-think things, but I had the impression I was missing something.

I consulted my chief advisor, as I often do, to get her opinion.

She said the meaning of the phrase depends on who is saying it.

For example, some might mean they would like to see more inspirational stencils or lace.

My consultant did not recommend going down that path.

Stencils and lace may have their place, but that place is not a bachelor’s residence.

I was relieved to hear her say that.

My consultant also advised that it might be prudent not to incorporate too many “girly” elements into my decor, as this might be confusing for my guests.

Some might think I was living with a woman, which could be awkward if I brought a date home (it could happen).

Also, those who know I don’t live with a woman might find it peculiar.

My consultant indicated that, on the whole, it might be best to avoid copious amounts of lace or stencils in the new residence. It’s probably best to avoid leaving fuzzy pink bedroom slippers lying around, too, she advised (for the record, I don’t possess a pair of fluffy pink slippers. She was merely illustrating a point).

Other people, when suggesting a place needs a woman’s touch, may mean it needs more kitschy knick-knacks, such as snowman candles, china figurines, or perhaps bowls of wax fruit.

Maybe they’d like to see flocks of plaster ducks in silly costumes, or whimsical mobiles.

Perhaps they think I should fill all the available counter space in the latrine with decorative soaps we can’t actually use, or bowls of dead flowers, which they euphemistically call potpourri.

If that’s what they have in mind, they’re going to be disappointed, because I don’t intend to acquire any of those things.

Another possibility, according to my chief advisor, is that some ladies might offer to help decorate my space simply because they enjoy decorating, and a new house is like a blank canvas on which they can work.

Not only is it fun to work on someone else’s stuff, it is fun to work with someone else’s budget.

I can understand that.

I know guys who are always working on their friends’ cars, or on someone else’s projects.

They may not have time to work on their own stuff, but they always have time to help a pal.

Maybe it is the same kind of thing for women and decorating.

I guess the best way to find out would be to probe and clarify the next time someone says my place needs a woman’s touch, in order to identify exactly what she means.

There is one other thing I have noticed when it comes to decorating.

I don’t recall ever hearing anyone say “this place need’s a man’s touch.”

I have seen places that could definitely use a guy’s touch, but for some reason, no one seems to mention it.

Maybe it’s one of those unwritten rules, that we are not supposed to mention the fact that guys may have some valid ideas for decorating.

About the only place fellows are allowed to unleash their man’s touch in the realm of home decorating is in the garage, and even then they may have to apply to the lady of the house for planning permission.

I guess that’s OK, because generally speaking, ladies seem to do a good job with decorating, and, let’s face it, they probably care more about these things than guys do.

Don’t look for any stencils or lace in the bachelor pad any time soon, though. My decor may not be up to female standards, but it is comfortable, and that’s just the way I like it.

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