The curse of computer calories
Feb. 20, 2017
by Ivan Raconteur

It was one of those nights when the craving for chocolate was strong.

I was poking around in the pantry for the third time, desperately searching for any morsel of beautiful brown bliss.

There was no reason to think the inventory had changed since the last time I ransacked the pantry 20 minutes earlier, but I really wanted some chocolate.

I had experienced a glimmer of hope on my previous visit to the kitchen, only to discover that the container of Nestle Quik was long past its expiration date. I had hoped I could do something with that.

This time, I made a more comprehensive search, dividing each shelf into quadrants and methodically removing the items from each quadrant in order.

Again, I experienced some hope when I came across the dregs of a bag of baking bits.

It turned out that the bag contained Reese’s peanut butter chips, not chocolate chips, and they were so old they resembled petrified peanut butter pebbles.

I was starting to think I need to clean out my pantry more often.

There was apparently no chocolate on the menu for me that night.

I decided to distract myself with a buzz through social media.

This turned out to be a mistake.

The first thing I saw was a post by a certain niece who is a frequent offender in matters like this. It was a video chronicling the making of a decadent 24-layer chocolate cake.

I would have gladly settled for a two-layer chocolate cake at that point, but 24 glorious layers looked fabulous.

Watching a video about a cake is not nearly as satisfying as eating a cake.

It seemed like every other post contained images of chocolate that night.

In fact, some of the ads also included references to chocolate.

If a person is hoping to lay off the sweets (or trying to get through a night of cravings with no sweets available), it might be a good idea to lay off the social media, as well.

It’s not only the chocolate.

I have frequently been killing time when dinner is a long way off, only to find that every post online contains images or videos of delicious new recipes oozing melted cheese and other goodies.

I’m pretty sure I gain about five pounds every time I open Facebook, just by looking at all the photos of delicious food.

I’d like to lose some weight – a lot of weight – but it is impossible because of all the digital calories I absorb through my phone or computer screen.

I don’t actually get around to making most of the new recipes I see online, but just looking at them results in some kind of magical transfer to my already bulging midsection.

The sad thing, and the really unfair part of it all, is that it doesn’t work the other way around.

I have watched hours of exercise videos, and I never lost an ounce.

Even if I put on trendy workout gear like the people in the videos, nothing happens.

I’ve tried looking at images of carrots and lettuce, and that doesn’t work either. All that happens is I end up having weird dreams about scary rabbits.

It wouldn’t be so bad if a person could watch a video of a new pizza casserole with three kinds of cheese, and then watch a quick workout video to cancel out the computer calories, but it doesn’t work that way.

There is no justice in the world of computer calories, just like there is no chocolate in the house when one has a craving late at night.

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