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Rock-a-bye baby?
March 1, 2019
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by Ivan Raconteur

I think all the snow we have been getting has caused the Earth to tilt on its axis or something. That might help explain why I have been having such strange dreams lately.

The human brain is a complex and mysterious thing, and when it is left to its own devices, such as when we are sleeping, it comes up with some pretty bizarre scenarios.

One of the dreams I had this week was a real doozy.

In this dream, I was carrying my new baby around with me as I went about my day, introducing her to my colleagues and other people I encounter in my job.

Before I start getting mail on this, I want to be perfectly clear that there is no new baby in my life.

I am not married, nor do I have a female partner, and I understand these are the usual prerequisites for a guy acquiring a baby. From a biological perspective, it’s not the kind of thing we can accomplish on our own, even if we wanted to.

And, I don’t want to have a new baby, certainly not at my time of life. If I did acquire a baby, the math suggests I will have been carted off to a home for bewildered writers long before the little lady graduates from high school, and that wouldn’t be fair to her.

Kids should have parents who are actively engaged in their lives, not some ancient journalist with a cane (I don’t have a cane yet, but I might get one in the next two decades if I last that long).

What made this dream so bizarre is that I actually enjoyed it.

People who know me understand that I don’t like children. Even when I was a child I didn't like children.

It’s nothing personal. I just don’t understand them. They seem foreign and a little frightening to me.

There have been times when the thought of having a new baby in my life would have been a nightmare, not a pleasant dream.

But in the dream I had this week, I took the little lady with me wherever I went, and it was just fine. There was no wailing or crying, either from me or the baby. We had a nice day out together, and as far as I could tell, we enjoyed each other’s company.

So where did this strange dream come from?

I thought about everything I have seen or read in the last week or so, and I couldn’t come up with anything that would provoke me to think about babies.

That’s what made me wonder if the Earth’s axis has shifted. I just couldn’t come up with any other explanation as to why I was suddenly walking around dreamland with a baby.

I hope this dream wasn’t some kind of premonition or omen. Babies have an awful lot to learn when they enter this world, but something tells me when it comes to raising a child, I’d have more to learn than she would.


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