The icebox adventure
June 14, 2019
by Ivan Raconteur

The time had come to replace the 20-year-old inefficient icebox that I acquired when I purchased the bachelor estate, so I grabbed my laptop and began searching for deals.

I was not looking for anything fancy. I just wanted a reliable piece of equipment that would keep a variety of refreshing adult beverages at the optimum temperature. Oh, and some produce as well.

I found an icebox that met my requirements. It was an LG model, and I have had good experience with that brand in the past.

Although I don’t put much stock in online reviews, I read a bunch, and this model was highly rated, with no red flags as far as I could tell.

I purchased the item and scheduled delivery for the following Saturday.

To me, a 12-hour delivery window (8 a.m. to 8 p.m.) seemed excessive. The item was coming from Plymouth, not Tibet. If the company is in the delivery business, it seemed to me they should have some idea how long it would take to get to the bachelor estate from there, and how long it was likely to take to deliver the other items on the truck.

Nonetheless, I had some work to do around the house so it wasn’t a huge problem.

It was a beautiful morning, and I would rather have been out on the trail, but I try to keep things in perspective, and if I only have to buy an icebox every 20 years or so, I guess waiting a few hours is not too much to ask.

About 3:15 p.m. – more than seven hours into the 12-hour delivery window, the driver called. He apologized and said they were unable to find my refrigerator in their warehouse. He said they had asked some other drivers to help them search with no luck.

The driver said he would have to wait until a manager was available (presumably on Monday morning) to help them find the refrigerator, and they would contact me to reschedule the delivery.

I ran a distribution center for a number of years, and it seemed odd that anyone could misplace an item the size of an icebox, but I let that go and resigned myself to waiting for the company to reschedule the delivery.

I was busy at work the next few days, so I didn’t push the issue. Finally, I called the store manager and explained the situation.

It turns out if I hadn’t called, I might never have received the new icebox because the driver who couldn’t find it apparently never conveyed this information to the management.

The manager checked his computer and said the item should be there, but before he confirmed, he said he would walk back to the warehouse and make sure it was there.

He returned my call a short while later and said the item was there. He said he could take care of rescheduling the delivery, and I would be receiving an email confirmation soon.

When I received the email, I discovered the delivery window on weekdays was even larger than that on weekends.

The message stated my icebox would be delivered between 7 a.m. and 9 p.m. the following Monday.

Monday morning, I stuck a note on the door instructing the driver to call me when he arrived and I would be there in two minutes (an advantage of working close to home). I don’t have 14 hours to sit around waiting for a delivery.

When Laurel and Hardy arrived, it did not inspire confidence when it took a few tries to back their truck into the driveway.

The first question they asked was, did I want them to unpack it? The question confused me, since I bought the thing to use, so I told them to go ahead and unwrap it.

The first obstacle was the front door. They had to take it off its hinges to get the refrigerator in.

It is a straight shot from the front door to the place in the kitchen where the item was destined to be placed, but mid-journey they had to stop and take the door to the second floor off its hinges because the knob impeded their progress.

They tried to complete the journey, but decided it was impossible because the icebox wouldn’t fit through the doorway.

They scratched their heads for a bit and came up with some interesting ideas, one of which was to take the doors off the refrigerator.

Before they did that, they scratched their heads some more and measured the item from every angle, then measured the doorway two or three times.

“There’s no reason it shouldn’t fit,” observed the leader of the duo.

They tried one more time, and miraculously, this time it went without a hitch and they slid the item into place in the kitchen.

I was glad Laurel and Hardy didn’t need to remove the old refrigerator (which is larger than the new one). If they had, I probably would have had a new patio door by now where they cut a hole in the wall to get it out.

I have an appointment to have Xcel Energy pick up the old one, because the company offered $50 to pick up a working refrigerator and recycle it. That will be another adventure for a different day.

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