Dec. 24, 2021
By Dale Kovar
BREAKING NEWS: In response to recent reports that Big Bird and Santa Claus were vaccinated, two other fictional characters Tooth Fairy and Paul Bunyan stepped forward to set the record straight at a press conference earlier this week.
Big Bird recently tweeted on his Twitter account that he was vaccinated as well.
The other characters dispute those claims.
“You realize that we’re not real, and it’s impossible for fictional characters to put themselves into real-life situations,” the Tooth Fairy said. “It’s especially disturbing that our good names would be used for political purposes.”
Paul Bunyan pointed out that in Big Bird’s case, it is a copyrighted character so there is a human being behind the Twitter account who actually made the statement about being vaccinated. “That really makes us question what the motive is,” he said.
Using popular fictional characters to advance a political point of view is a relatively new occurrence, said a spokesman for the Center for Defamed Cartoons (CDC).
Attempts to contact Santa Claus to verify his vaccination status were unsuccessful because . . . well, why do you think we couldn’t reach him?
“I feel bad for Santa’s reputation being tainted like that,” the Tooth Fairy said. “He only has one chance a year to explain the truth to people. Since I work full-time, I can dispel any rumors as soon as they come up.”
“Someone like Fauci should know better,” Bunyan added. “He is supposed to represent our national government, but if he makes false statements like that, how are we supposed to believe anything he says?”
Frosty the Snowman was unable to attend the press conference due to other commitments, but voiced support for telling the truth.
Easter Bunny released a separate statement condemning the media’s blatant disregard for accuracy, particularly USA Today. “Even if all their fact-checkers called in sick that day, there’s no excuse for spreading obvious misinformation. If they present things like that as news, we cannot trust any of their other reports,” Easter Bunny stated.
Tooth Fairy and Paul Bunyan closed by urging everyone to think for themselves and sort out the truth from propaganda.