Better than a fake story

April 1, 2022
by Andrew Meuleners

I thought about bringing you all down the rabbit hole with me on a fun little April fools adventure, but my life seems to be better than a fake story. So last week, on my lunch break, I went home with the intent to eat something quick and put my dog out to do his business.

So I hurried into the house, made a quick sandwich, and then put the dog out. With the sandwich firmly placed between my lips, the dog runs out the door of our three-season porch in the back of our house. I glance over to the gas grill on our deck and notice that the grill is uncovered, and it is supposed to rain or snow.

So I think to myself, ‘well, I should cover the stupid thing up,’ so I go to do this, leave the door open to the porch, and in flies a bird. The sandwich fell out of my mouth onto the deck because of the word I chose to use at that moment, of course, then there were a few more words used at that moment too.

My dog was happy as can be. He got to go out, and now he has an excellent lunch. So I knew I had to deal with this bit of devil that decided to wreck my perfectly fine day. So I opened the door and left it open, thank God I had closed the door to our house, or this would be a completely different story. So this little bird is flying all over the place, being crazy.

I am not a petite guy, but I am sure my voice went up an octave while trying to get this tiny invader out of our porch. I employed various tools within hand reach, like the hamburger flipper from my grill; what is the official name of the hamburger flipper?

Anyway. I was dodging this little bird flying at my head and trying to get it out of the door; the whole time, my dog thought we were playing some strange game. He is jumping like crazy and barking. I hope none of my neighbors saw this entire exchange because I am sure I looked like some psycho trying to do the latest version of Zumba at home.

Forty minutes later, I managed to get the bird out of the porch. The dog had a fantastic time, I did not get to eat, and I had to go back to work. Sometimes God is telling you to get up earlier and pack a lunch. Have a great week. Remember to close your porch doors, people!

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